Just got off the phone with Sharon. Tomorrow is the mooncake festival and she just refused to go out. Why, you may ask. Well, let our conversation enlighten you.

Me : Ey, tomorrow mooncake festival la. Lets go out!!

Sharon : Errr.. Don’t think so la.

Me : WHY???

Sharon : They predicted a tsunami la. Scared.

Oh, for Pete’s sake.

If we die, we die. After all, what’s fun without a little risk?

For the record Sharon, it’s been 3 days and still no tsunami.

Sooooo, you owe me lunch haha.

Should be studying Biology now, for my career as a future doctor.

Tan Sri Datuk Dr. Annjili.

Oh, how I wish.

Feel like dropping Moral and taking EST.

I really don’t see how memorising a bunch of words and rewriting them in their exact order will enable me to be a better person in the future. Hello? Kemeterian, do you have any common sense at all? Make us do projects la, that’ll be more fun but nooo, education must always be tedious and boring. Sheesh.

Imagine if I do politics in M’sia. Abolish the damn education system and implement one with more sense.

I mean, come on. Who the hell introduces a new marking scheme after the trials? Start la next year. I mean, I’ve been lax in my studies because  I knew that getting 75 will still get me an A1 and it won’t matter if some other super genius gets a 99. Still the same grade right?

Now you effers want to do some A+ shit which is so gonna screw with my chances of getting a scholarship.

Is there no justice in the world?

I know I’m being mean, this thing is actually a good idea. But don’t start in my year la.

And the timeline of this post is kind of weird because I wrote it over the span of 3 days. It’s not a long post, I just have a lot of things to do right now and blogging is not really up there no matter how much I want it to.

See you soon.

Yours hopefully,

Anju.

Hello world, I’ve been listening. Really I have. But somehow Roza’s lilting voice seems to be singing lullabies instead of Sejarah facts. Anyhow. Terribly disappointed with myself with my trials results so far. Shit easy questions are always somehow hampered with careless mistakes. I now I can finally say, the enormity of my mistakes finally made an impact with me. Somehow, SPM seems a whole lot nearer on this side of the Raya holidays. I always, always resolve to change for the better. To finally abstain from my guilty pleasures. Don’t get all excited, it’s just reading books. Totally nerdy I know. I mean, I’ve read the books about a hundred times but still I cannot seem to live without one in my hand. You say, easy just switch them with the textbooks. I say, go to hell. It just ain’t the same. Please god, give me the strength to stop. I know it seems overly dramatic but I am after all an attention-seeking drama queen. *my new favourite phrase.

Okay, enough tetchiness for now.

I realised that I actually have a lot of love-hate relationships. No, not emotional relationships with messy breakups. But with things. Inanimate stuff.

Numbah 1: My house.

I kid you not. I love it because it has a lawn big enough to do cartwheels on, but it’s also leads people to tell me that I did cartwheels on the lawn since it’s so open. Or as Abhi loves to text me with, “Turn off your light and go to bed,”. I seriously think that hedges need to be planted. Since the 49 year old Indian gardener(daddy) refuses to plant any, I guess all I can do now is to refrain myself from turning cartwheels on the lawn. Besides, it’s so full of dog poo now, I shudder to see the state of my hands after my cartwheel repertoire. NO I AM NOT LAZY, I’M JUST TOO BUSY STUDYING! yeah, like your gonna fall for that. Besides the maid’s on poo patrol, I think at least.

Numbah 2 : The electricity.

Oooh yes, the bringer of light, cool air and current to charge my phone. I know the amount of conveniences it brings me but, why oh why do you always stop working when I’m in the shower? Without electricity, the water pump does not work and just to connect the dots for you unbearably slow people out there, without the water pump, there is no water. And without water, there is no way in hell the shampoo which I obsessively lather through my hair every single day of my life is gonna get out. So, without the pump working, I have to yell continuously until my father hears my and turns on the main pipe. Which, he takes about 100 years to do, since the pipe is right outside house, about 3 metres away from the kitchen. I’ll be yelling my head off while he walks at a leisurely pace to the lever. And let me tell you something else too, the water from the main pipe, does not work with the heater, so all I get is ice-cold water. Although at the rate the weather is going right now, it could be a blessing in disguise. Plus, the water pressure from the main is abysmal. ABYSMAL!

Numbah 3 : Driving.

D.R.I.V.I.N.G. I know I risk sounding like a spoilt brat right now but I’ve had it. I don’t mind the manual so much and frankly, if I drove an auto I’ll probably fall asleep at the wheel and bash into a poor unsuspecting pedestrian. It’s just that just because I reach a 100 when I’m in a hurry does not mean that I drive that SLOW all the time. I know driving means that I’ve finally gotten my independence (though it isn’t much use, since there’s no where to go in Kuantan and if anyone suggests that I go to TC one more time I will murder them. I mean please, I can cycle there la. Plus parking is free when you cycle) but still it irritates the hell out of me when every single member of my family(even the ones who don’t live in Kuantan) call me and tell me to slow down. Hello! This place is so dead, I could drive in reverse all the way to the mall and still would not hit anyone. Plus, petrol has already wiped out my $$. And I only filled the tank twice. Papa, if you ever read this, I need an increase in my allowance. I think a mere 500% increase will suffice.

Numbah 4 : My room.

I know it looks so much better now after I rearranged the furniture. It looks so much bigger now thanks to my genius interior designing skills. Plus, I put a lot of hard work into it. I painted it, I even stole the painting from the living room to hang it in mine haha. Still, now I think I’ve made it too comfortable that everytime I come in I just feel like flopping on the bed and taking a nap. I mean even the dogs agree with me. They’ve learnt to open the door in the afternoons when daddy’s not around and nap in here. Of course they have no idea how to open the door from the inside so guess who has to wake up every 5 seconds to open it for them? And I ignore them, Chutney starts scratching and yapping at the door, which then I immediately have to get up and open the door since mummy just painted the door. Don’t get excited, it’s still the same dull brown. I’m waiting to paint my door purple. Hee! and I want to spray paint my dustbin a nice orange. Burnt orange just for the sake of it.

Okay I think is enough for now. If you actually read this post until the end, congratulations for not falling asleep. I am a really unbearable teenager with too much time on my hands. I’m just prolonging this post until I reach the 1100 word count. And I pride myself for not posting posts with a gazillion pictures just to pad it out and make it seem longer.

I having Jet – She’s a Genius on replay right now. Freaking hilarious song. I’ve been singing along with it on the radio every single time, even when I’m driving alone. All those poor drivers in the other cars probably think I’m either talking to them or having a seizure. I dunno, I probably look like both at the same time so there’s no point in caring what they think. As long I can sing along.

okay, caffeine rush is over and it’s 1.03 am.

Time for bed.

Nighty, night.

Anju.

There's no word for it but apprehensive.

Before I begin this post properly though, Happy Birthday Daddy!

:) 49 this year just one more till you reach half a century.

I've spent the week loafing around, so the guilt is piling up , still it's a relief to write again. God knows what going to happen during SPM. As my mother so aptly put it, I'm going to cling to God's feet and cry.

She has so much of faith in me.

No wonder I'm not worried.

I've decided to do a black & white album of the temple. However, I've only decided on this today, so excuse me if I don't have many.

I love taking photos. No just of myself la, of things. Since my parents refused to buy me a DSLR because they assume that I'm going through a phase (they're probably right) all pictures were taken by my phone. I'm on a mission to prove that shitty cameras do work. I mean there's no other way that you're going to get gritty, grainy pictures anyway. So, whatever la you smug DSLR owners.

Feeling so damn tired right now, I know that I should study but I wanna write. I love to write, I know I'm not as good you shits out there but still, I'll keep doing it if I love it. It's like me playing the piano, I start out with zest, make mistakes in the middle and finish with a big bang.

Which leads me to the question.

Medicine or journalism?

Prestige or passion?

Does it really matter if I do not have to drive to help people?

When I chose psychiatry when I was 15, she was under the impression that I wanted to help people. To help them to live a better life. But instead, all I wanted to do is to find out what made them tick. How did they get screwed up. I cannot possibly do surgery, I have early onset Parkinson's or something like that. I kid you not. My hands do shake. I cannot possibly do oncology. Imagine having to tell your patients that they are going to die. Nobody can deal with that much pain. Maybe it's just me. I know I do not exude the vibe of general happiness, I do prefer gaiety to ahem, I don't know emoness? I believe in the power of laughter. Really, I do. I know it's easier to get sympathy than to get someone to laugh with you unless your Russell Peters or something. But hey, life's a challenge innit?

I've read up on life as a doctor in Malaysia online and let me tell you, it isn't pretty. I mean, 40 hours on call? And if your luck is really shitty, you've probably have clinic duty right after. I mean, shouldn't they space them out. How is a person supposed to function without proper rest? Coffee? I like my caramel macchiato as much as the next person but still what are the chances of them having Starbucks nearby?

I suppose the only way is to study abroad and never come back.

Ka-ching. I see money falling from the sky.

Maybe if I pray hard enough. I'll win the lottery. Open a string of clubs. Make a ton of money and have my own private jet when I turn thirty. Okay, since I'm dreaming, I also would like to rule the world at the same time.

Headache la. And I just realised that I haven't even broached the subject that I wanted to talk about.

Another time people.

Leaving you agog for further instalments, *I know, I wish.

Anju.

Okay, this is something that I don't really talk or write about much because I am, after all considerate and do not want to risk offending people.

*coughs.

But seriously, I see more and more people ditching god in the favour of atheism. No, I am not going to preach and advocate you into joining a religion. I am just curious. Is this the end of belief as we know it?

Does it matter that we have no belief?

Are our moral compasses so screwed that we cannot even differentiate between the right and wrong ourselves and we need someone else to guide us?

Does god really still play such a huge role in our lives?

After all, in the past we changed our lives to suit god's rules. Now god's rules are changed to suit us. So, why don't we completely rewrite religion as we know it?

Make thieving and pilfering acceptable.

Screwing living a good and honest life. Lets fuck our lives up now and worry about the consequences later. Who cares if 50 years from now I'm am going to be bedridden and riddled with lung cancer and with a failed liver? If I'm happy now, so what if I’m not going happy later, right? It’s not like I’m feeling later, now.

We lose our faith in god and turn to instant gratification.

No more thinking about the future or looking at the bigger picture. We want what we want now and it doesn’t matter how we get it. So what if we fuck the world up now, we are not living in it later, right? Let someone else worry. Do we drink and snort now to feel the high or is it just because we never want to experience life? We want to cushion ourselves from the hardships and pain we see. Instead of feeling, we stand dispassionately by the side, just watching as life passes us by. Not connecting, just a surreal feeling of speeded up reality.

It's like fast-fowarding a movie, you can see what's going on but you have no idea what it is about.

Personally, I have taken that leap of faith that is needed to believe. To accept without proof or question. There is a certain beauty of watching people just accept unconditionally that what they are doing means something. The rituals, the sacrifices all for the sake of something that they know might not even real but they choose to make real. To believe what they do now with undeniably affect them and others now in the present and future. To choose to care about the repercussions of their actions. To actually believe that what goes around will always eventually come around.

It does not matter which religion we are, it does not matter whose god is better than the other. Faith unlike everything else, is not random. Faith is universal.

Today : Sunday, 20th September 2009.

Today, is Raya!

There’s no point though. Vegetarianism is the way.

For 10 days at least.

Damnn.

Listening to Moonbabies after godknowshowlong.

“Don't say a word, my head ain't feeling right, stay where you belong inside”

- War On Sound.

My favourite song. <3

This Swedish duo has been around since 1997, but I must shamefully admit that I’ve only started listening to them in 2007. But in my defence, they’ve only started producing more song oriented albums in 2005. War On Sound was their first single/mini album.

Anyway.

Feeling hungry as usual. Had a barbeque last night.

The amount of food was overwhelming.

As usual, was stuck serving kids.

Again.

And listening to them screaming.

Again.

and again.

and again.

I really do not understand. Is there something about me that shouts, Hey! I Love Kids. Let Me Help!

Argghh.

Really, really arggh.

Anyway, am still lapar.

Lapar, lapar, lapar, lapar.

Dreaming of rendang ayam.

Siggh.